A few years ago, I had a conversation with a male family member who argued that women do not take accountability for their actions.
I argued we do.
He insisted we don’t.
For the past few years, I have pondered over his statements. In many ways, I disagreed because I believe that much of his argument was centered on his romantic relationships, both past and present. As we know, intimate relationships are often filled with personal feelings, biases, and can be overall messy.
However, as I grow in may career, business, and personal endeavors, accountability has become a concept that I find myself paying much closer attention to.
I’ve had my share of run-ins with folks who dodge accountability. And it is not just on us ladies, the fellas struggle with it too.
For those who struggle with accountability, here are four types that I have observed:
I Deserve to Be Recognized For Poor Choices
I get it. No test, no testimony. I have plenty of those stories to share. This is an example of the unaccountable Sista’s and Brotha’s who thrive off accolades for their own bad decisions that happened to lead to a testimony of victory. Don’t get me wrong, I think it’s awesome when you can overcome hurdles in life.
Here is the problem with this particular type of individual: they never see the importance of professing the mistakes he or she made during that journey. Their stories are often heavy with a tone of victimization, leaving one to believe that the cards were just stacked against them. They were just hopeless until life changed for them…..do you hear sarcasm?
Now they are looking for a cookie and a pity party.
Here is the thing: we all have troubles along the path of our journey. In sharing that journey, it is just as important to share your mistakes as well as experiences with adversity. I believe people can appreciate the truth. Because we all screw up. Taking accountability for your part makes a world of difference in your story.
Everyone Is Just Against Me. They Must Be Threatened By My Greatness
So here you have the person who has been praised by their parents, siblings, aunts, friends, and admirers all of their lives. No one ever told them when they were wrong. No one ever held them to a standard of accountability.
This type lives on a pedestal and no one has the courage to knock them down. This person believes every excuse they have made for themselves, and nobody can tell them different.
Unfortunately, when someone attempts to hold them accountable for their actions, they see flaws in everyone but themselves. Family and friends are the key enablers for this individual. This person may have been the youngest of the family, faced many challenges growing up, or may have been the victim of an unforeseen circumstance. Out of love or pity, their loved ones give them a pass. This person feels the need to remind you of how smart they are, how much experience they have in a particular area, and because of this greatness, most people can’t hold a candle to them.
And again, they take absolutely no accountability for their actions.
I Really Don’t Know What I’m Doing, So I keep People Around Me Who Are Less Competent
This person has a difficult time saying “I don’t know anything about this, can you share insight?“.
This person wants to appear smarter than what they really are. So they remain in the company of others who help them look better, brighter, or more confident. This person does not embrace the idea of sharing the stage. Instead of holding themselves accountable for effective leadership, good friendship, and simple decency towards others, this individual hides behind a superiority complex. If this person understood accountability, they would embrace the support of others who would hold them accountable, such as an accountability partner. Of course, that would require an admission of being human.
And I guess, we can’t have that.
Then There Is Me……..
Yes, I have struggled with accountability as well. After some self-evaluation, I realize that I struggle with holding myself responsible for decisions related to health and wellness. I definitely do not have a valid excuse for my inability to do better, but I often find them.
I also do not hold myself accountable for many of the financial struggles that my family has experienced. In my mind, my expenses are justifiable. Everyone else could have waited on their purchases.
Also, I don’t like to hold others accountable. I carry unnecessary burdens because I’m too lazy to manage others.
Finally, I’m a control freak. For that reason, I should hold myself accountable for the failures I have endured because I could not simply ask for help. And when I do get help, I don’t trust it.
What are your thoughts? Do you find that people often struggle with accountability? Do you believe one gender struggles more than the other?
Share your thoughts under the What Would You Like To Confess tab.
Dr. Lauren Meeks
Confessions Of A Melanated Queen
Confessions of A Melanated Queen: Complexities of the Modern Black Woman, is comprised of controversial and thought-provoking commentary related to life, marriage, and family, through the lens of a millennial African American woman